The Brother I Want
by Ellivia22
Summary: Zack never realized how much Cody means to him until he finds something in Cody's desk drawer. Zack/Cody NOT twincest! R


(A/N: Hello all! Hope you all are well, and as always, enjoy this story. I love you guys! ~Ellivia22~)

(A/N: I'd like to thank Wyntirsno for giving me the courage to put this one up. I really appreciate it :))

Disclaimer: If I owned Suite Life, the new movie would be coming out THIS month instead of NEXT month :)

******The Brother I Want**

******By: Ellivia22**

******Zack**

I carefully open the door to my brother's cabin and look in cautiously. If Cody catches me in here I'm dead. I'll just quickly look through his drawer, find his history notes, then sneak out without him noticing. Since Cody is always so neat and tidy, finding his notes won't take very long.

I open the top drawer of his desk. Just as expected, Cody's notes are lying neatly at the top. This should surely help me write my history paper that's due tomorrow. Before I close the drawer, I notice a piece of paper crumpled in the back. That's weird. Cody is always so neat and tidy. Not to mention he color codes his notes. I know I shouldn't look, but curiosity gets the best of me. I reach inside and pull out the crumpled piece of paper.

As I smooth out the paper, I realize it's a letter. A letter to me.

___Dear Zack,_

___There is so much I need to say, so much you need to know. Unfortunately it would take more time than the world can give to tell you everything. I don't have that much time anyway, so I will tell you all I can before it ends._

___Zack, the first thing I need to do is apologize. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for all the fights we've ever had. You're right about everything. I'm sorry that I wasn't the brother you wanted. I'm sorry that I am such an embarrassment, a nerd. I understand why you are ashamed of me. Most of all, I'm so very sorry for the pain I have caused and will cause after this letter._

___I know I never told you this before, but I truly admire you. I always have. I've tried so hard to be like you, but I'm not good enough. But I always remind myself that I'm so lucky to have a brother, a twin like you. I just wish I was good enough for you to be able to say the same about me._

___Zack, before I go, I want you to know how much you mean to me. You are my best friend, my only friend, and I love you more than anything. Thanks for being a great older brother-better than I deserve._

___Please don't follow me. I want you to live a long and healthy life. Take care of Mom for me. Tell Bailey that I love her. Apologize to Moseby for me for the mess I'm about to make._

___I love you_

___Cody_

___It can't be true. It just can't be true. My own brother can't be suicidal_

My body is trembling so hard I can barely hold the piece of paper that is clutched tightly in my hand. I read the letter again.

___Please don't follow me_

It's been a month since Cody and Bailey got back together. From what I've seen, Cody has been extremely happy-the happiest I've ever seen him. This letter can't be true. On the other hand, a certain memory enters my mind.

___I was walking into Ms. Tutweiler's class, my arm wrapped around Maya. We had been dating for two months and it has been wonderful. I never knew I would be in love, but I was. Maya was the most amazing person in the world._

___I noticed a figure at his desk, his head lying on the wood. It was my twin brother, Cody. His posture was alarming, because usually Cody was always alert and ready for class to start. Ever since he and Bailey broke up, he had been acting like this. I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but my ego got the best of me._

___I slapped him on the back. "Wake up loser! You have to pay attention in order to do my homework for me!"_

___Cody lifted his head. I was startled by the look on his face. His face was completely pale, evidence of tear stains on his face. The thing that shocked me the most was his eyes. Cody's blue eyes were empty, no emotion whatsoever. Because I was his twin, I noticed how his body was shaking slightly. He forced a scowl on his face, which looked like it took a lot of effort._

___"Leave me alone, Zack."_

___Once he spoke, warning bells rang in my head. His voice was cool and flat, not its cheerful go lucky self. Instead of asking what was wrong, I turned my attention back to Maya as we waited for class to start._

Had my brother really been suffering this much? Is he still suffering? Or is he okay now that he and Bailey are back together again?

___I'm sorry for the pain I've caused and will cause after this letter_

Vaguely aware of what I'm doing, I put the note in my pocket and stumble to the door. I have to find my brother. I have to see him. I need to know that he's okay. My chest is so tight I can barely breathe. I don't think I'll be okay if he's not.

Just as I open the door, I notice someone is standing outside it. "Zack what are you doing in my room?"

******Cody**

A huge smile spreads across my face as I watch the sunset. The sunset is a mixture of blue and green. It's absolutely beautiful. Just like my life is. It's been a month since Bailey and I got back together. It feels so good to be happy again.

Last night Bailey and I went to the Fiesta deck for dinner and dancing under the stars. She's just so amazing. I feel so lucky to have her back. I wish I could hang out with her tonight, but she has a late shift at ___One of a Kind_. Oh well I'll see her tomorrow when we have our study date.

I leave the Lido deck to head back to my cabin. I need to make last minute touches on the history paper that I had to write for Ms. Tutwiler. I know she'll be impressed when she reads the part where I name the important figures in Pompeii right when Mt. Vesuvius erupted in 79AD.

Right when I'm about to grab the knob of my door, it opens, revealing Zack. He looks absolutely devastated and terrified at the same time. His face is pale, his blue eyes trained on the ground. I force myself to speak.

"Zack, what are you doing in my room?"

His head snaps up. I notice that he's trying so hard to hold back the tears. I've never seen him like this before. Suddenly Zack steps forward and wraps his arms around me so tight I can barely breathe. Now I definitely know something is wrong. Zack rarely hugs me. After a moment, I relax in his embrace and hug him back.

We pull away several minutes later. I enter my room, shut the door behind me, then turn to look at my twin. "What's wrong with you?"

Shakily, Zack pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to me. It's a piece of paper. I skim it briefly. My heart drops to my stomach. Now I know why he's so upset.

******Zack**

I watch closely as my twin reads the letter. His face slowly drains of color. "How did you find this?"

I ignore his question. "Cody, you weren't actually planning to k-kill yourself, were you?" He looks away, shame written all over his face. I guess that answers my question. "W-why?" I barely manage to choke out.

His head lowers. "I was going through a really rough time when Bailey and I broke up. I just wanted the pain to stop. I figured everyone would be better without me."

My heart breaks by his confession. I can't hold it back anymore. The tears start falling from my eyes. I try to wipe them away, but more keep coming. "Look at me!" I say hysterically, grabbing his shoulders tightly. I hear Cody whimper in pain, but I don't care. "Does it look like I'd be better without you? I'm falling apart right now just at the thought of losing you!"

He looks away. "We haven't been close in years. We've been spending all our time with separate things: you with your friends, me with schoolwork. I guess I figured you forgot about me."

Another long silence passes between us. My eyes are trained on the ground. I keep my hands on his shoulders to reassure myself that he is still there. Finally Cody speaks. "Do you know what stopped me?" he asks quietly.

"W-what?" I barely manage to choke out.

"You."

I lift my head to meet his gaze. "Really?'

Cody nods, tears now falling down his face as well. "Right when I was about to pull the blade across my wrist, I thought about you. I thought about everything that we've done together, and all the things you have done for me. I couldn't do it."

"I would've followed," I whisper, wiping my face again.

"I know," he whispers back. "But I'm better now. I won't scare you like that again. I promise."

I glare at him furiously. "You better not, or I'll get you."

We wrap our arms around each other for another tight hug. I grip on him tight. I never want to let him go, for fear that I'm going to lose him forever.

___I'm sorry that I wasn't the brother you wanted_

"There is something you must know," I murmur in his ear.

"What's that?"

"I've never been ashamed of you." I whisper. " You're the brother I want. Just the way you are. I love you."

"I love you too." He squeezes me tighter, letting me know he understands. I feel him smile against my shoulder. I smile too. I would not replace Cody for anything in the world.

******The End**

******Thanks for reading. Please review :)**


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